Baby Bonding & Mental Health Support for New Mothers

So many parents feel pressure with a newborn to create an immediate deep connection and bond with their baby. We want to help take away some of that pressure.

Did you know healthy, full-term babies are naturally driven to connect? Their smiling, gurgling and cooing noises, and even crying are all signs they want you to respond. Searching for your breast or bottle and seeking eye contact is part of the bonding experience as well.

Baby Bonding: How to Foster Connection

Bonding is the deep connection that unconditional love creates. The importance of parent- or mother-infant bonding is obvious—it’s a vital first step for babies to feel a sense of safety, permanence, confidence, contentment and socialization that will help drive healthy emotional growth. But it doesn’t always happen right away, and that’s okay.

Things that can help you bond with your baby

• Eye contact – Looking into your baby’s eyes will help them connect with you.
• Touch – Skin-to-skin contact, infant massage, stroking your baby’s skin, and bathing your baby are all bonding moments.
• Sound – Talking, reading and singing to your baby are lovely ways to engage.
• Feeding – When breastfeeding or bottle feeding, eye contact, touch and smell are all involved.
• Play – Something as simple as peek-a-boo or making funny faces with your baby count. The interaction holds valuable lessons on socialization and allows them to express emotions.

Watch your baby for cues. They may only be infants new to this world, but they instinctively try and communicate and ask for a response. Even if you don’t know exactly what response they are looking for, responding in any way is part of the bonding process.

Does adoption or surrogacy affect baby bonding?

While baby bonding most often begins in pregnancy, if you adopt your baby or use a surrogate, the same bonding tips apply. You may not have the same head start as pregnant mothers do, but you can use skin-on-skin contact and all the other sensory tips to help the baby get used to and identify with your sounds, scent and feel.

If you use a surrogate, that surrogate can help transition the baby to you by playing certain music or sounds during pregnancy that you then continue once your baby is home. She can sleep with a baby blanket or stuffed animal during pregnancy and then give you that object to use so the baby has a familiar scent.

Some people suggest doing a physical transfer as well, where the baby is placed on the surrogate’s chest after birth and then once the baby is calm and stable, the surrogate can pass the baby to you to hold against your skin. Do what is most comfortable and practical for your parent-surrogate relationship.

Things that can slow baby bonding

• A lack of support and time
• Health issues in the baby or parent
• Poor sleep for baby or parents
• Feelings of stress and anxiety
• Grief from infertility issues and needing surrogacy or adoption
• Lack of a parental role model including abuse as a child
• Postpartum depression

Moms, if you’re having trouble sleeping at night or feel distracted during the day due to post-birth pain, you can use the same spray nurses in the hospital likely used on you for pain relief. Dermoplast® Postpartum Spray relieves pain and cools and comforts sensitive areas around your vagina that were stitched or sore after birth.

Baby Blues: How to Get Support for Postpartum Depression

During pregnancy, delivery and after birth, your body goes through so many changes and those changes can affect your brain. So, please don’t be hard on yourself if you start feeling down or don’t feel like connecting with your baby. Instead, tell someone what’s going on, especially if these feelings are intense or have persisted for two weeks or more.

Symptoms of postpartum depression

Tell your partner, a good friend, your therapist, doctor or midwife if you:

• Feel moody, angry, guilty or worthless
• Feel sad or hopeless or cry without apparent reason
• Eat or sleep more or less than is typical for you
• Lose interest, joy, or pleasure in doing things you used to enjoy
• Withdraw from family and friends
• Think of harming the baby or yourself

Postpartum depression is common and treatable, so don’t wait to seek care. You, your partner and your family can also find tons of information and support online. Any of the following four resources can serve as a good starting point to connect you with information and support near you:

• Text or call the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) at any time of day or night.
• Text or call the Postpartum Support International HelpLine from 8 a.m. to 11 p.m. EST at 1-800-944-4773. (Text in Spanish: 971-203-7773)
• Explore the Maternal & New Parent Health section of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) website.
• Find information and resources on postpartum depression on the National Child & Maternal Health Education Program website.

There are also countless parenting blogs, online groups and pregnancy/postpartum apps that give you access to personal stories, advice and affordable therapists and healthcare professionals that may help.

Most of all, be kind and patient with yourself. Celebrate your positive moments and know that you’re not alone.